This little Piggy had roast beef… and this little Piggy was symbolic of cognitive dissonance.

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy had roast beef
And this little piggy had none.
And this little piggy said "wee, wee, wee, wee," 
All the way home. 

You can make the argument that many nursery rhymes are just catchy forms of psychological child abuse. It's not that hard. Think about the poor blind mice who have their tails chopped off by the farmer's wife, Jack and Jill who suffer traumatic head injuries, or the children who "all fall down" because they have caught the plague.

Even when I was a little kid, I found the "roast beef" line weird. Now, I have NEVER liked roast beef. Even when I was eating animals, I didn't like eating cows.  Except for hamburgers.  Which, I admit, is pretty trashy.  It's like the way I like Britney Spears more than I like Mariah Carey. I know Mariah Carey is a much better singer and therefore a better product. Don't care. Team Britney.

But what is really off-putting about that line is that, even though pigs are notorious for being omnivores who CAN eat almost anything, roast beef is a really… prepared product. It is impossible to imagine roast beef without also imagining the pig sitting down to a table complete with cutlery, napkins, a glass of wine, etc. It's just… weird. Check out this illustration of the song, which features a particularly realistic - and gross - depiction of the roast beef:

Okay, so we can all see that this is strange, right? (Also, this pig really comes off as a total d-bag for not offering sad little piggy behind him something to eat. Look at that smug face.)  Well, get ready, folks - because this is even stranger.

Today's photo comes courtesy of "The Best Little Pork Shoppe" in Shakespeare, Ontario. 

 I CANNOT drive by this place without feeling totally freaked out by these lane posts (there is a second one on the other side of the driveway.)  Ostensibly, they are there to provide light: that's what the pig is holding up in his hoof.  Of course, we have the ever-present personification (why oh why would people want to make animals look MORE human in order to entice other people to eat those animals?!?), but it's the clothing and the posing that I can't get past. First of all, this pig is a CHEF - presumably selecting and preparing members of his own species for human consumption.  Look at the grill spatula in his front pocket!

And just as disturbing is this pose.  Either I am a total perv or this pig is downright flirting with me. It's the hand on the hip, the chin over the shoulder… the slight smile that says "Hey honey… want me to cannibalize some of my own species for your enjoyment? C'mon… you know you want to." Come to think of it, I really should have gone behind the statue to take a picture of its ass end. I mean, doesn't it look like it's some kind of sexist centrefold where the model wears just an apron barely covering her boobs and vagina?

Wait. Wait. WAIT.

Please tell me that this isn't some kind of oblique reference to "The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas."

Ew.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Okay, that's enough cow-gnitive dissonance for one post. Let's try to shake off this horror and look instead at a picture of what a real pig looks like.

Today's picture is a little different, because I actually know where this pig lives! This is Esther The Wonder Pig - the media sensation who was bought to be a "teacup" house pet and who grew to be over 600 pounds. Rather than rejecting her, her wonderful owners overcame their own cognitive dissonance, became vegan, and opened a sanctuary for Esther and other farmed animals. You can read Esther's full story here and become her Facebook friend here. Come to think of it, why not just donate to Esther and the other animals at the "Happily Ever Esther" Sanctuary here?

This little piggy has a good life.